in my mouth all the time

Ooooooooooooooooo, Sake Machi

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 20:34:00 -0700

Oo Sake Machi

1150 Kingsway
Vancouver, BC V5V 3C8
Tel: (604) 709-8228

We had originally assumed this place was like all other businesses on Kingsway—full of “hair dressers”, “urinary massage therapists” and bubble tea machines that are under constant state of repair. While this may or may not be the case, the only thing the inhabitants of Ooooo, Sake Machi massaged were our taste buds, which is more than enough of a happy ending.

Rating:

_{4 food babies out of 5}

'Guac, 'Mus, and 'Gria

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 18:02:00 -0700

I have no commentary from this evening because I passed out after consummation of the following items and have no memory of them being (i assume) piledriven into my young, nubile and hungry body.

13 Inch Cut Vietnamese (Sub)

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 18:58:00 -0700

Tiem Banh Dong Khanh

1196 Kingsway
Vancouver, BC V5V 3C8
(604) 875-3394

Of all the phallically shaped objects to enter my mouth, the 13 inch subs over at Dong’s are my favorite in terms of value and proximity to my bedroom. For $3.00 you can fill yourself up to the limit with freshly baked baguettes, lemon grass chicken, vermicelli, pickled vegetables, jalapeno peppers and fresh cilantro. My only complaint is that despite my eagerness to take the entirety of Dong’s speciality into my mouth, it hit the metaphorical back of my cervix about 3/4ths of the way in. If you also share my complaint of being too small and tight they have a selection of gooey pastries that’re definitely a satisfying alternative to being impaled with carbohydrates.

Rating:

^{3 food babies out of 5}

the reef

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 15:02:26 -0700

The Reef

1018 Commercial Drive
Vancouver, BC V5L 3W9
(604) 568-5375‎

Among hip-hop abs, huge cocks and R Kelly, today is the proud day I get to add “Food” to the List Of Things I Love About Black People. Some bitches & hoes (& myself) hit up The Reef to get a real taste of the Caribbean, but we knew we were in for a treat when a hot bod’d black bro whipped out his steamy and buttery bread balls. He knew his delicate rounds might be a bit overwhelming to deep throat without any lubrication, so he brought us a pitcher of mojitos to keep our throats at an optimal swallowing state. I swear those were his intentions cuz when entrees rolled in, he was all too quick in whipping out 12 inches of what he called “fresh ground pepper.” The slang they come up with nowadays…

Rating:

4 food babies out of 5

Avocado Milkshake

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 17:48:00 -0700

Among all of the things i like to insert into my facial orifice, avocados remain an exotic summer favorite. Their rich, buttery and malleable texture makes it easy to spread, split, sandwhich or blend into a creamy mixture that slides effortlessly down your throat. I’ve tasted avocado milkshakes in the past and, after witnessing recession-rate prices at the local rat-infested produce market, decided to attempt to make my own.

You Need:

one delicious avocado
milk
honey
some ice cubes

Blend all that shit together and you have something that resembles the depicted consistency of cream of wheat in this movie. The only thing I regret about this beverage is that it impregnates me with a food baby before satisfying my thirst.

Rating:

^{3 out of 5 food-babies}

Bacon and Cheese Stuffed Pizza Burger

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 13:42:00 -0700

provided by The Internet

Avocado Cheeseburger

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 10:08:00 -0700

Made it myself

Veggie burger on whole wheat bun, topped with cheese sauce, tomatoes, avocado, red onion & cilantro. Grrrrrrrilled.

I love avocado. Love it. I love it’s gooeyness. I love it’s creamy texture. And I love licking it up while squished between 2 fluffy buns. It only gets sloppier when topped with delicately over-ripened tomatoes, pungent red onions, fresh cilantro, and finally smothered in full-fat cheese sauce — up and down, and all around. Now THAT’s an oralgy. Makes me wet just thinking about it.

Rating:

^{4 Food-Babies out of 5}

Nips on Knight

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:06:00 -0700

Deli Nippon

3913 Knight Street
Vancouver, BC V5N 3L8
(604) 568-6101

I remember the first time I stepped into Nips On Knight. Their salmon/avocado + tuna/avocado combo at $5.45 immediately jumped off the menu and into my heart. It wasn’t long before it was all over my mouth and dripping down into my esophagus with a lustful vigor. We girls love the sensation of being full and that’s what Nips On Night delivers consistently. If you have a pocketfull of bus fare and you’re looking for a quickie just off of Kingsway Nips’ is your guy.

Rating:

‎

^{3.5 Food-Babies}